Home

Cavan: The Wild West of Eire

Mowl

Member
Seems to me that every passing day we read another barely believable story from the muntering culchies of Cavan and their primitive view of the modern world. Between slashing each other with knives, punching each other out over who's getting the next round in, and the constant rivers of shite and slurry infecting the rivers and streams, the ground water itself, and their complete inability to understand the nature of personal hygiene, perhaps it's time we erected a high wall like the ones over in Israel to keep these ape-like creatures secured?


Dirty fucking bastards shit in the rivers, dump battery acid in the streams, then complain that their kids can't swim safely.


The wild fucking west is right - even if it's blowing more to the eastern seaboard. And to think these fucking animals can apply to hold firearms? Imagine some half-pipe like Val Martin walking into Kingscourt with a rifle in his hand? Steps into McDonald's for a few cheeseburgers and fries, opens a carton of milk and mouth-breathes while guzzling it down, then picks up his shotgun to head over to the hardware shop to buy a urinal to nail onto a tree near the shitting ditch? Connected to nothing bar the earth beneath it - piss everywhere. The stink, the rancid and acidic assault on your nose you used to get if you passed through Smithfield after a running of the cows down the north circular past Cabra and the mountains of shite left in their wake?

Savage fucking bastards is right. Drunk on moonshine and cheap beer, then going out for a 'spin' in the old jalopy, killing teenagers and not giving the slightest ufck for how precious human life actually is.


Not even the coppers are safe from these in-bred fucking mutants.


Perhaps we could arrange for an Irish air-force flyover and instead of dropping tons of water on burning fields, we could load it up with hot soapy water so the mutants have no choice but to wash themselves?


Cavan - the one place in Ireland that doesn't need a reference to it in Ireland's natural history museum. They're still living in the dark fucking ages, these cunts. It's amazing how fucking thick they actually are. Check this one out for sheer gombeen ignorance?




Errrrrrrrrrrrrrr... .......ahem:



Thicko Val goes to the 'launch of a new book' which was new last November and is now almost a year old. Better again was the fact that I attended to launch of the book in Hodges Figgis last November myself. Where the fuck do these mutants get their news from? What the fuck is wrong with them?





Perhaps if we'd checked the wet markets of Cavan (also known as selling shit from the back of the van) then we might have saved the world from Covid Cavan? These dirty fuckers refuse to wear masks when they're coughing their lungs up. One small but well aimed nuclear device is all that's needed to rid ourselves of these filthy animals.





Val failed his farming exams.

It's the critters on the bogs I'm sorry for.

Poxy fucking county - can we give it to the orange lads up north?

Would they take it - even for free?
 

Mowl

Member
I hope Val never changes, he's hilarious and I'd miss the comedy act.

His underpants?

Slurry spreading gone wrong, or too much curry for lunch? The answer may surprise you.

That's what Val would refer to as a 'well oiled machine' there.

Poor Val - he hasn't a fucking clue what's going on.




But the important part is that all of these comments are on file for the site owner to answer to. Every single comment which refers to me or DS is in a file that's growing by the day. Even Myles, the mild mannered janitor is included in these libelous comments - his tiny balls must be so far up his tummy they're making his eyes water.
 

Mowl

Member
It's a one-horse town which Dan uses to try to give the impression he's aloof and busy with his life.

The reality is rather different though: Dan's main mission in life is to try to shut the Mowl up. Because the Mowl ran him ragged and left him for dead. Now he wants us to believe that the tourists are queuing up to hire a fat midget with pudgy creepy hands to guide them around Boston. Except there's fuck all in Boston suburbs bar a few clap-board houses and an interstate with a few truck stops on.

Dan will pay any money to try to get one over on me because he can't fucking stand how popular I am.

Twenty-two more members joined me overnight.

That's more than all the fake accounts on Arsefield's multiplied by ten.

Plus any other site out there.

Tell you what: you meet me in public on my site and ask me anything - but do so with your real account. It'll take me around two and half minutes to hand you your butt.

Now go wash it.
 

DS86DS

Member
Administrator
I always laugh when Dan says he hasn't checked out Isle in 6 months. I don't think anyone believes that.
 

Mowl

Member
That's the yanks for you: they'll break you any way they can.

Horrible country, horrible culture - I'd never live there and I doubt I'll ever go back to even visit the kip.

I have extended family there I've visited a few times, they actually live quite near to Dan's little kip. That's how I first saw Boston and thought 'what a fucking dump' after day one. Shallow, plastic, fake, and of little worth. Food prices are so cheap though - it's no wonder they're all fat little piggies.

The quantity is there, but the quality always lacking.

I'd rather book into a one-star in Cavan.

In another life in a parallel universe.
 

DS86DS

Member
Administrator
In order to have the quality of life citizens of countries such as Finland or Holland take for granted, your average American would probably need to be worth at least +$2 million. America is probably a great country if you're rich but hell for everyone else.

American workers are also effectively little more than slaves. They aren't actually entitled to any weeks off during the year, even Canadians get two weeks off. They can be worked 7 days a week if that's what the boss man wants. If they lose their jobs, there goes their health coverage - which even then doesn't seem to cover all that much. In America it seems you're your bosses bitch. About the only thing he can't force you to do is to suck his duck - but only in the literal sense. He owns your arse otherwise.
 

DS86DS

Member
Administrator
I'd imagine the only two reasons anybody ever immigrated to America historically was because of (a) pure desperation given the chance of dying in your homeland due to starvation etc, (b) being in a religious minority, e.g. Catholic in England or Huguenot in France...effectively having a gun to your head and being told to leave the Old World once and for all. When cheap labour from Europe dried up during the 20th century, American employers began looking elsewhere to places such as Latin America in order to fill the void. America also never gave a flying fuck about your average Irishman, Dutchman, Pole, Italian etc...they were little more than cannon fodder for 19th century industrialists, willing to do long hours in dangerous factories for next to no pay. Which is why I find stuff like Boston Pride to be so odd, they weren't invited over there to admire the scenery.

I can't imagine 99% of people in a modern, prosperous and religiously tolerant European country ever considering moving Stateside unless they were batshit insane. Their quality of life wouldn't be a quarter of what it is back home. That's why I find Dan so odd, he moved there back in the 90s even though he could probably have found something in Dublin or Belfast. I suppose Dan is one of those idiots who genuinely believes that the USA is the land of milk and honey, where he too can become rich and live the American Dream if he tries hard enough.
 

Mowl

Member
In order to have the quality of life citizens of countries such as Finland or Holland take for granted, your average American would probably need to be worth at least +$2 million. America is probably a great country if you're rich but hell for everyone else.

The problem with most Americans is that they think they can buy culture, intelligence, community, art, music, literature, and whatever you're having yourself. But that's an illusion. Money can buy all kinds of things, but not honesty, integrity, or class.

These things must be earned.

American workers are also effectively little more than slaves. They aren't actually entitled to any weeks off during the year, even Canadians get two weeks off. They can be worked 7 days a week if that's what the boss man wants. If they lose their jobs, there goes their health coverage - which even then doesn't seem to cover all that much. In America it seems you're your bosses bitch. About the only thing he can't force you to do is to suck his duck - but only in the literal sense. He owns your arse otherwise.

My favourite American ever is still Pete PAMF.

He loves his family and his home town in San Fran - but American life?

Fuck no - that's why he moved to Dublin - because no matter how filthy or backward she is, she's real.

I'd even go so far as to say he's more Irish than I am.
 

Mowl

Member
Are those my fingers?

Val's gone completely fucking loo-lahs.

His fingers? His manky filthy fingers covered in warts and his fingernails caked in shite. The toothless old fucker's gone bat-shit, out to lunch, mental as anything. He's telling us in the full video about Mike O'Bama. Val's being taken for a ride by Dan - the two most famous Irish transvestites ever.

'There's my fingers, now, Look at that. There's the right, and this one's the left. See? My fingers, see? Now. Here, I'll just show you again - my fingers, see? See?...'






 

Mowl

Member
I see the Cavan mutant is planning on taking the Mowl to court for some apparent slander sent in his direction by someone else. That'll be a fun day out, and he'll better have the funds to pay for the big day out. Maybe he can get it selling sillage? Or dillage. Or pillage.

'Mister Mowl: where were you at the time the image was posted?'

'Fuck you'.

'Mister Mowl, you must take this court seriously'.

'Arse pipes'.

Mister Mowl, answer the question'.

'No, fuck off.'

Mister Mowl, is it true that you posted a defamatory image of The Mutant?'

'No, couldn't have been me - I was busy laughing at the time, at THIS actually'.


'There's my fingers, now, As a man. See? Look at that. There's the right, and this one's the left. See? My fingers, see? Now. Here, I'll just show you again - my fingers, see? See? That's the left one, this is the right one. See that? That's the front. That's the back. See now? Look? See that? My fingers - as a man.'
 

DS86DS

Member
Administrator
This must be Yankee Dan's influence, Americans are always suing each other after all. It's the most litigious society in the world.
 

Mowl

Member
Val must need a few shillings - maybe he got burned selling the sillage?

Maybe he's decided to buy himself a few new shirts and jumpers? Dan's the main man for zippernecks, so he can start off from there. The Nokia factory are making rubber boots again, so he could swing by Tampere airport to get a few pairs of those.

As for fresh y-fronts, he's on his own there.
 

DS86DS

Member
Administrator
I still have my old Nokia phone from 20 years ago and it works perfectly. Finnish engineering builds things to last, the same as with Japanese technology.

Whereas in America, they build shit cars and electronics so consumers will have no choice but to repurchase a new product from the same company a few years later. America is the land of shitty housing, cars and electronics at a high price.
 

DS86DS

Member
Administrator
Actually, the only thing the Yanks put any effort into technology-wise is bombs and drones to nick oil from small Middle Eastern countries.
 

Mowl

Member
I still have my old Nokia phone from 20 years ago and it works perfectly. Finnish engineering builds things to last, the same as with Japanese technology.

Yeah, but the original and basic issue phones are the size of a modern laptop. I still have the very first issue, and it's also working fine. I take it out once in a while and drop it on the desk/table of wherever I am. Finns look at it like it's an antique - then look at me, grinning back at them.

Whereas in America, they build shit cars and electronics so consumers will have no choice but to repurchase a new product from the same company a few years later. America is the land of shitty housing, cars and electronics at a high price.

True, it's even more apparent when you're actually in the States.

Actually, the only thing the Yanks put any effort into technology-wise is bombs and drones to nick oil from small Middle Eastern countries.

That and cheeseburgers.

Maybe Val should take a trip to the States. The culture shock of how dingy the place really is ought to sort him out double-quick. He could even buy himself a Lone Ranger outift and hire a native American or maybe fat Dan to follow him around saying 'How'.

He and Dan could go off and have an 'Anal Adventure' - as the recent offending meme remarked.
 

Members online

No members online now.
Top Bottom